How to know you’re in the friendzone
In a situation that sits in a humungous grey area? Then skim through these points and perhaps re-assess the scenario
We’ve all been there – you’re so deep into attraction that you don’t even realise that the firewall of friendship has been drawn around you. You’re in the soft, strange cocoon of the friendzone. But they’re so attentive and tactile with you, you argue? Well, gents, this might just be a killer sign that you are sitting in relationship purgatory. So skim through the following points, bear them in mind the next time you’re meeting up, and perhaps re-assess the situation.
You contact them to organise drinks or dinner – and they invite others along
If this happens and you didn’t mutually agree on this, you’ve got sign No.1 on your hands. Attraction can often lead to a want of privacy and one-on-one intimacy; them bringing the entire village might mean that you, on the whole, are seen as part of that ecosystem of friends.
They’re more than happy for you to see them in sweaty gym gear/downtime clothing/the last dregs of the wardrobe before laundry day
Even the most low-maintenance of people wouldn’t let someone they’re attracted to – at least in the early stages – see them this way. Would you? The same can be said if they have no problem getting changed in front of you: no, they’re not trying to seduce you (we think), the likelihood is that they’re just so comfortable with your friendship that they feel there’s nothing sexual or suggestive about it. (Also, if they’re fine talking about bowel movements, horrific illness, etc. at this point, then your chances of courting are very, very low.)
They talk openly to you about others they’re attracted to
No, this is not a manipulative way of making you jealous (we’d like to think people aren’t that unsubtle). They just genuinely want to tell you about it – their interactions, the doubts, the possibilities, the hope – because… you’re their friend.
You’ve made a pact that if you're not married by 40, you two will tie the knot
This is a bit of a tired notion. If they actually like you, they wouldn’t even dream of mentioning marriage for fear of scaring you away, and with the 40 thing, they’re likely just saying, ‘If I’m alone with my Rod Stewart collection, my boxes of band T-shirts and just my offbeat thoughts when I’m hitting my fifth decade, let’s just tie the knot by default. Like, as a total last resort, so neither of us have to die alone.’ Or something like that…
You’re always doing what they want
Romance is a lot to do with compromise. Are you always heading to their neck of the woods? Watching their shows? Eating the food they crave? Always going off their schedule? If so, it might be time to reboot the old Hinge profile.
They have very, very Platonic nicknames for you
There’s a fine line between adorable nicknames and those that have zero romance involved. We’ve heard some heart-killing ones – spud; mate; pal – that firmly fall in the latter.
You find yourself consoling them after a breakup
No, you are not their knight in shining armour – they just want to cry and hash it out. You’re kinda just a sounding board at that moment.
They tell you how perfect you are... for someone else
“You’d be amazing with my friend Lucy,” or “My god, I want to introduce you to Dan, you guys would go well together.” Despite what you may think, they aren’t fishing for you to ask them out instead. They genuinely want to set you up with these people, because they’re their friends – and so are you.
They’ve said that you are like a brother to them
Yep. Definitely friend-zoned.
Want more relationship advice? These are the 5 things to always avoid on a first date…
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