Superyacht heaven: Portofino&#8217;s marina


Way back in the depths of lockdown, we reported about the booming industry for luxury yachts. Like our recent story on the champagne market, the long and short of it is that rich people have got lots of spare money, and are bored. Hence these incredible purchases.

Unlike investing in mega expensive bubbly, though, buying a yacht offers more than cache and fleeting pleasure; it offers a place to hide out from the hoi polloi, a floating fortress complete with everything from helicopter pads to cinemas and gyms to – as a fantastic 

long read explored – entire galleries of priceless art. And of course, you’ll need some smaller boats to go on your boat.

As with anything naval, there is some specific nomenclature to wrap your head around. According to industry experts super-yachts come in between 120-200 feet, while those over 200ft are classed as mega-yachts and 300ft plus behemoths of the ocean are giga-yachts. Collectively, they’re known as ‘penis replacements’.

Got it? So, with yacht-measuring all the rage among the elites, who’s come out on top? Let’s cast off and crunch the numbers.

White and sleek, the Topaz is exactly what you’d think of when you think of a super yacht (OK, giga-yacht). Imagine a cruise liner and a speed boat had a baby and you’re about there. At 483 ft, Topaz is believed to be owned by Russian fertiliser and coal big shot Andrey Melnichenko. We’d bet the ship’s half billion dollar price tag that he isn’t using it to transport fertiliser, though.

With exteriors by Tim Heywood Design Ltd. and interiors by Terence Disdale Design, this German-built yacht boasts six guest suits in addition to a 2,500 ft primary bed. Oh, and the guest suits can adjust their walls to make four grand staterooms. There’s the usual stuff like a helicopter hanger, a trio of swimming pools, and tableware made from French crystal. Not a toy you’d want to take for a spin in choppy seas.

Edging the Topaz out by 100ft and $70 million is the 590ft, $600 mil Azzam, thought to be the zippiest private yacht in the world with tops speeds of 35 miles per hour. It’s also considered the largest yacht in the world. A giga-mega-super-duper yacht, maybe?

It’s powered by a pair of gas turbines and two diesel engines which reportedly required very fiddly engineering. Rumour has it Sheikh Khalifa bin Zayed Al Nahyan of the royal family of the UAE is the owner, taking it on late night trips to the corner shop for a snickers while he watches Succession (not all of that is true).

Nauta Yacht did the exteriors, with French decorator Cristophe Leoni on painting and decorating inside. In terms of decors, early 19th-century empire-style veneered furniture, is apparently all the rage. As are state-of-the-art security systems including a bulletproof master bed, and erm, high-tech missile deterrence capabilities.

A proposed design for the Streets of Monaco superyacht


Almost as long and expensive as the actual streets of Monaco, this in-development yacht will be a very specific 509ft long once complete and will feature miniature versions of Monaco’s and Monte Carlos most renowned landmarks (although fitting in the entire Grand Prix track might be a bit much).

It will, however, have a go-kart circuit, the obligatory three swimming pools (have super-yacht owners not heard of the sea?) seven guest bedrooms and – just to take the piss a bit more – a mini submarine and a mini waterfall.

There’s no concrete information on who might be stumping up the cash for this, but Yacht Island Design is the company behind the madness.

Abramovic&#8217;s yacht Eclipse, which has thus far escaped seizure


The Streets of Monaco is comfortably blocked out like the phenomenon when the moon passes in front of the sun by this next yacht, worth 50 percent more, with 22 extra feet to play with.

Roman Abramovich is the man wearing the captain’s hat here, although the yacht was rumoured to have been impounded as part of the UK’s sanctions against Russia after Abramovich’s home team invaded Ukraine last year.

As for the yacht itself, Terry Disdale designed it and Blohm + Voss put it together, including 24 guest cabins, just the two swimming pools, a brace of helipads and “multiple” hot tubs (one per guest, maybe?). Bulletproof windows, anti-missile systems, a mini submarine and furry dice come as standard.

With a price tag equal to many country’s GDP, the History Supreme certainly reigns supreme and has certainly made history. The thing is, there are rumours that the yacht isn’t actually real. It’s never been seen in a major port, and some believe it’s just a publicity stunt.

Malaysia’s richest man, Robert Kuok, reportedly has the keys (with maybe a little miniature model as a keyring). The twist is that the yacht is said to be an embarrassing, paltry, dare we say, pathetic, 100 ft long. (Imagine your childhood bathtub and you’re about there).

What racks up the cost is all the stuff rumoured to be on board. These include but are not limited to a statue constructed from genuine Tyrannosaurus rex bones (yuck), a liquor bottle embedded with an 18.5-carat diamond (probably not a blue WKD bottle) and a primary bedroom with an entire wall made from an actual meteorite. Oh, and there’s supposed to be a 24-carat gold aquarium too, in which the fish presumably swim around in pince-nez and cravats, making witty remarks.

 doesn’t believe the History Supreme exists. While it sounds gross and needlessly extravagant in every way (except for its tiny size) we’d like to spend a week on it at sea, just to confirm either way…

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