It only took four paragraphs to forever change David Cameron in the eyes of the Great British Public. They didn’t even cover a page of the unauthorised biography, Call Me Dave, which came out in 2015. In them, an anonymous MP who had been at Oxford in the 1980s with the former prime minister made an astonishing claim. He said that at a Piers Gaveston party, where Oxford students live out their Brideshead-meets-Eyes-Wide-Shut fantasies, a young Cameron took part in a grisly initiation ceremony. This source claimed — having seen photographic evidence of the deed — that Cameron placed his penis into the mouth of a dead pig. Apparently the animal’s head was resting on the lap of a Piers Gav member when Cameron went to third base with it.
The MP who had been going around telling this story in summer 2014 was deemed “credible” by the authors of Call Me Dave, although they failed to unearth the supposed picture. This piece of evidence, it would seem, has been tantalisingly lost to history. When it comes to apocryphal artefacts that form part of a people’s mythology, the Russians have the Tsar’s Amber Room, the Israelites have the Ark of the Covenant — and we get a photo of a hammered posho being fellated by a dead hog.
David Cameron at a party during his Oxford days. Not pictured: a pig.
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